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The Office Season 3 - The Convention
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| Michael Scott: | You know what Pam, if in ten years I haven't had a baby and you haven't had a baby... |
| Pam Beesly: | No Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Twenty years... |
| Pam Beesly: | No Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Thirty... |
| Pam Beesly: | ... Sure. |
| Michael Scott: | [shakes Pam's hand] It's a deal. |
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| Michael Scott: | There he is, there's the traitor. Traitor! Come here you. Come here. [hugs Jim] Aaagh! The prod-the prodigal... |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Michael Scott: | ...my son returns... |
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| Michael Scott: | I am headed to Philadelphia for the annual northeastern mid-market office supply convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which should be fun. Poor... little guy... has been stuck working under Josh... the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo. |
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| Michael Scott: | Now would you do me the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? |
| [Dwight shuts off the light and stains appear everywhere with the blacklight] | |
| Michael Scott: | Woah. What are all those stains? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Blood, urine or semen. |
| Michael Scott: | God I hope it's urine. |
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| Michael Scott: | Ain't no party like a Scranton party 'cause a Scranton party don't stop. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | So I called my buddy at the station... to do a little background check on Josh Porter... see if there's any aliases or anything... |
| Michael Scott: | Mm, hmm? |
| Dwight Schrute: | He wasn't volunteering today. |
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| Jan: | Well, Michael, I guess I underestimated you. |
| Michael Scott: | Well, Jan, maybe next time you should estimate me! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Oh hey... how's it going up there? Have you made anyt sales yet? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, sold about forty thousand. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Shut up. That's impossible. |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope... I did. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, I did it too... |
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| Michael Scott: | Uh, Jan. Look I think we need to set some ground rules... |
| Jan: | What are you talking about? |
| Michael Scott: | The 800 pound gorilla in the room? Carol? I'm still dating her so nothing can happen between us at the convention. |
| Jan: | Step away from me Michael. |
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| Phyllis: | [to Pam] You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it. |
| Stanley: | If you do that you're gonna have to put out. |
| Phyllis: | Oh yeah, you'll have to put out. |
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| Angela: | In the Martin family we like to say, 'looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.' That's code for check out the slut. |
| [swats at flies] | |
| Angela: | Why are there flies in here? |
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| Michael Scott: | Any message you want me to relay to Jim? |
| Pam Beesly: | Um... |
| Michael Scott: | 'Um...' okay, 'um.' |
| Dwight Schrute: | 'Um...' |
| Michael Scott: | [to Dwight] You got that? Write it down... |
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| Michael Scott: | SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo with all of my SWAG. |
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| Michael Scott: | Some people need dozens of friends to say, 'hey look at me, I'm popular!' But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special you just know. Because a real relationship can't be forced. It should just come about effortlelessly. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Don't be mad, it is a business trip. |
| Angela: | But I don't understand, it's for managers. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Monkey, I am an A.R.M., Assistant Regional Manager. |
| Angela: | I know... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together. |
| [Dwight stays silent] | |
| Angela: | Are you still there? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yes, monkey-- |
| Angela: | Don't monkey me. You can't wait to get out of here, A.R.M.! |
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| Pam Beesly: | I haven't been on a first date in... nine years... Probably shouldn't broadcast that. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Dwight's room key... And Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard |
| [Jim enters Dwight's room, seeing a woman lying on the bed but not recognizing Angela] | |
| Angela: | Dwighty? |
| Jim Halpert: | [runs out of room] Oh my God! Dwight got a hooker! God, I got to call... I gotta call somebody. I don't know who to call! ...Dwight got a hooker! |
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